The radical gobsh--e Abu Qatada is to appeal against the law lords' ruling today that he can be deported from the UK in spite of fears that he may be tortured abroad, his legal team has said "our client has added that your western attitude for tolerance, justice and equality is the only hope I have saving myself from much physical pain and torture - yet give me some hydrogen peroxide and some other special stuff and I'll really ruin your day - y'all get me y'western pigs!".
Jacqui Smith, the home secretary, has signed a deportation order to be served on Qatada immediately adding "do I get an expenses receipt for signing whatever this is?".
The cleric's lawyer, Gareth Peirce, added they had lodged an appeal at the European court of human rights, which could take as long as two years to decide on the matter - only, but only if Mr Qatada promises to be a really, really good little boy and not to start playing with naughty chemicals that fizz and bang and make lots and lots of smoke; smokey wokey no no no burney-burney-hot.
He described the ruling as a "bad message to send out to the world" adding "I for one enjoy the warm feeling knowing it is right and proper that should Mr Qatada feel the need to threaten to bomb the s--t out of London, Manchester and Birmingham then I firmly believe he should - er - hang on, that's not right? is it? or proper either!".
The law lords backed the Home Office's challenge against a court of appeal ruling that Qatada could not be deported because he might not receive fair treatment in Jordan, where he claimed evidence against him had been extracted by torture.
Ms Smith said: "I'm delighted with the lords' decision today" adding "do I get paid my expenses now?".
At a time when the Obama administration is cleaning house and renouncing torture, today's ruling shows the UK still clinging to paper promises from torturers". A spokesman from the Jordanian institue of studies added "it is true we have signed paper to say torture naughty naughty - but between me and you, what is piece of paper ah-ha-ha-haa, Mbasa! Have you seen my collection of pointy sticks ah-ha-ha-haa, Mbasa!"
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